Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Why I'm depressed...

So, I'm depressed and I'm going to blame the Christmas novella.  It's about a couple who is unhappy with their marriage, but by the end they manage to re-kindle their spark.  It's going to be sweet and touching, and sexy and all that.

But I haven't gotten that far yet.

Right now, it's just about a depressing marriage.

Every couple who has been married has gone through the rough patches.  I've been married fourteen years, so I'm drawing on personal experiences for most of this one, and dwelling on that shit is just depressing.  I can't wait to get to the scene where they have cyber-sex.  I can't wait for the story to get to the happy ending, because it will.  I believe in happy endings, it's just getting through the beginning and the middle to get there that's killing me.

When I write a story, some part of me becomes my characters.  When I wrote Hot Mess, and it took a turn I wasn't expecting, I cried while I wrote parts of it.  And I don't cry.  Ever.  Okay, I don't cry much.

The sad thing is, I'm not having to dig too deep to write this novella, and that's bothering me.  It shouldn't, because Lord knows I want to run away to Dallas every time I get the least bit hormonal (note, every three weeks), but still.  I'm hoping that I'll be to happier places in the book by the end of the week.  Otherwise, I'll have to go road-tripping, just to find my balance again.

Don't get me wrong...I'm happily married, not looking for someone else who can make me happier than my wonderful husband.  But we have gone over our fair share of speedbumps in our marriage.  Maybe writing this book will make our relationship even stronger, because maybe when I've finished, I'll be able to identify what makes me unhappy sometimes and change it.

"They" say that writing can be cathartic.  That's why I have a box dedicated entirely to journals in my laundry room.  When something made me sad, I wrote about it, and somehow, capturing the words on paper made me feel better.  That's what's going on now.  Surely...

It actually occurred to me yesterday to scrap the whole thing and write a BDSM romance.  But I know in my heart that this is a story that should be told.  It's a story about redemption, looking beyond the superficial at what you really have, a story about love and how it conquers all.

It's going to be wonderful, if I can make it through...


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